Political jokes

"I am not part of the problem. I am a Democrat."

-- Vice President Al Gore

"A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls."

-- Vice President Al Gore

"Illegitimacy is something we should talk about in terms of not having it."

-- Vice President Al Gore, 5/20/996

"Democrats understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child."

-- Vice President Al Gore

"Welcome to President Clinton, Mrs. Clinton, and my fellow astronauts."

-- Vice President Al Gore

Mars is essentially in the same orbit... Mars is somewhat the same distance from the Sun, which is very important. We have seen pictures where there are canals, we believe, and water. If there is water, that means there is oxygen. If oxygen, that means we can breathe."

-- Vice President Al Gore

"What a waste it is to lose one's mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is."

-- Vice President Al Gore

"People that are really very weird can get into sensitive positions and have tremendous impact on history."

-- Vice President Al Gore

(Ed note. Hmmmm, anyone in particular come to mind?)

"When I have been asked who caused the riots and the killing in L.A., my answer has been direct and simple: Who is to blame for the riots? The rioters are to blame. Who is to blame for the killings? The killers are to blame."

-- Al Gore

"The American people would not want to know of any misquotes that Al Gore may or may not make."

-- Vice President Al Gore

Will of Americans

Tired of his low approval ratings, President Clinton called up the head of the CIA and said, "I want your very best agent over here first thing in the morning."

Moments later, a call went out to the Middle East, and the most gifted American agent was headed back to Washington.

The next morning, the agent was escorted into the Oval Office. The President said, "I hear you're the best in the business. I can't trust what my staff tells me.

So I want you to visit every state in the union, every major city. I want you to stay out on the road until you have an idea of what the vast majority of Americans would like to see happen in the Oval Office. Understand?"

The CIA agent responded affirmatively. He left the White House and wasn't heard from for nearly four months. Finally, he showed up early on a Saturday morning, and the President saw him immediately.

The President said, "Did you find out what an overwhelming majority of Americans want done here in this office?"

"Yes, sir."

"Well, then, express the will of the people," Clinton ordered.

So the agent stood up, pulled out a gun, and shot him.

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