Jokes: Funny Answering Machine Messages

"Muppet Show" theme:

It's time to leave a message

After you hear the tone,

It's time to leave a message

'Cause we're not at home tonight...

It's time to leave a message

On Kate and Shannon's phone,

It's time to leave a message

'Cause we're not at home tonight.

Just leave your name and number,

Such simple things to do,

And then when we get home we will

Get right back to you.

It's time to leave a message

After you hear the tone.

It's time to leave a message

'Cause we're not at home tonight.

Gone to get a bite,

Stayin' out all night,

Yes we have a life!

Leave a message, we're not home toniiiiight...

Hitchhikers Guide theme: The Cerius Cybernetic Corporation was happy to correct the problem of all that icky person-to-person conversation that happens when people actually pick up the phone and talk to each other. So they added the "answering machine," which will cleverly record your message and play it back at the wrong speed, to make everyone who calls you sound like they have partaken a large supply of helium. Unless your message is REALLY important, in which case, the machine simply breaks its own tape, to insure that you never get the message at all. It would be a shame to waste all this brilliant technology, so please attempt to leave a message.

Hello, this is the Computer Music Research Institute of Portland, Oregon. We can't take your call at the moment, but we would like you to leave a critique of one of our current works in progress. BEEP

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