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"How come you're late?" asks the bartender as the blonde waitress walks in the door. "It was awful," she explains. "I was walking down the street and there was this terrible accident. A man was lying in the middle of the street; he was thrown from his car. His leg was broken, his skull was fractured, and there was blood everywhere. Thank God I took that first-aid course; all my training came back to me in a minute."
"What did you do?" asks the bartender.
"I sat down and put my head between my knees to keep from fainting!"

A blonde decides to do something wild she hasn't done before, so she sets out to rent her first x-rated adult video. She goes to the video store and, after looking around for a while, selects a title that sounds very stimulating.
When she arrives home, lights some candles, slips into something comfortable, and puts the tape into the VCR. To her disappointment, there's nothing but static on the screen, so she calls the video store to complain.
"I just rented an adult movie from you and there's nothing on the tape but static."
"Sorry about, that,"replied the store clerk. "We've had problems with some of those tapes. Which title did you rent?"
The blonde replied, "It's called 'Head Cleaner.'"

Why are there no dumb brunettes?

What do you call it when a blonde dyes her hair brunette?
Artificial intelligence.

What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?
An interpreter.

What do you call a good-looking brunette guy in between two blond guys?
An interpreter in need of an immediate rescue.

What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?
A mental block.

If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits the ground first?v The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions.
Or: The brunette. The blonde is such an airhead.

Why did the blonde dye her hair brunette?
She thought it would help her get a higher score on the SAT.

A bleached blonde and a natural blonde were on top of the Empire State Building. How do you tell them apart? The bleached blonde would never throw bread to the helicopters.

What did the blonde say when she knocked over a Ming vase?
"It's OK Daddy, I'm not hurt."

How does a blonde commit suicide?
She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off.

What did the blonde get on her A.C.T.?
Nail polish!

What is the difference between a blonde and an inflatable doll?
About two cans of hair spray.

Why do blondes wear their hair up?
To catch as much as they can that goes over their heads.

What happened to the suicide blonde?
She dyed by her own hand.

What can save a dying blond?
Hair transplants.

Did you hear about the new form of birth control for blondes?
They take off their makeup.

Did you hear about the blonde who brought her cosmetics with her for
a make-up exam?

What did the blonde say when someone blew in her bra?
Thanks for the refill.

Why do blondes have square breasts?
Because they forgot to take the tissues out of the box.

What do blondes eat to increase their breast size?
Silicone chips.

How can you tell if a blond writes mysteries?
He has a checkbook.

Why do blondes like lightning?
They think someone is taking their picture.

How do you drive a blonde crazy?
Hide her hair brush.

Why didn't the blond want a window seat on the plane?
He didn't want it the wind to mess up his hair.

Did you hear about the new epidemic among blondes?
It's called MAIDS - if they don't get one, they die.

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