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    Military work rules

    1. Sickness: No excuses will be acceptable. We will no longer accept the Medical Officer's statement as proof of illness as we believe that if you are able to go on sick parade, you are able to come to work.

    2. Leave of Absence for an Operation: We are no longer allowing this practice. We hired you as you are, and to have anything removed certainly makes you less than we bargained for.

    3. Death, Other than Your Own: This is no excuse. If you can arrange the funeral services to be held late in the afternoon, however, we can let you off an hour early, provided all your work is up to date.

    4. Death, Your Own: This will be accepted as an excuse, but we would like at least two weeks notice, as we feel it is your duty to teach someone else your job.

    5. Quantity of Work: No matter how much you do, you'll never do enough.

    6. Quality of Work: The minimum acceptable level is perfection.

    7. Advice from the Commanding Officer: Eat a live toad first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.

    8. The senior officer is Always Right.

    9. When the senior officer is Wrong, Refer to Rule 8.

    Valid identification

    DURING a readiness exercise, my friend Jim and I, Air Force security policemen, were guarding entry to a bunker-like structure where aircrafts were kept.

    When a pilot about to do a preflight check approached without his identification in plain view, Jim asked him for it.

    "I don't see why I have to show you my ID," the pilot snapped. "After all, it is my plane."

    "Sir, with all due respect, it may be your plane," replied Jim, "but it's sitting in my garage!"

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