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    New chemical warfare

    An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: "Anyone knows the formula for water?"

    "Sure. That's easy," said one man.

    "What is it?"

    "H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O."

    "What, what?" reasked the instructor.

    "H to O," explained the chemistry expert.

    Painting shows it all

    At an exhibition of military painting a visitor was admiring a picture.

    "What a great realist that painter is!" he exclaimed.

    "What painter?"

    "The one that painted this picture 'Soldiers at Work'."

    "Yes, hut something is wrong there. Those soldiers aren't working at all!"

    "That is just the greatest stroke of realism in the picture

    Choose a punishment

    Private Loyds was brought up before the unit CO for some offence.

    "You can take your choice, private - one month's restriction or twenty day's pay," said the officer.

    "All right, sir," said the bright soldier, "I'll take the money."

    Tribute to the Marines

    A tribute to the United States Marine Corps and the reasons why they are superior to the many organizations of the world . . .

    * United States Marine Corps Birthday: 10 NOVEMBER 1775 *

    1) Best haircut. Hands down. You can't have a bad hair day with a high and tight. And you spend less on shampoo.

    2) Dress blues. They're the coolest uniforms in any military worldwide.

    3) Bloused trousers. Another distinctive Marine look that sets the proudest service members apart.

    4) The rest of the Marine sea bag. From the Alphas to the camouflage utilities, uniforms just look better on a Marine than any other service member.

    5) Marines don't wear dungarees.

    6) Most respect I. When the Marines pulled out of Haiti and Somalia, the media reported the U.S. military was pulling out -- as if tens of thousands of Army troops weren't still in the country. Now that's respect.

    7) Most respect II. When the Corps came back to Haiti after 60 years, an old man on the Cap-Haitien beach said ``Welcome back!''

    8) Toughest mascot. The Marine Corps' is a bulldog. The Navy's: a goat.

    9) Esprit de Corps. Even if you can't spell it or pronounce it, the Marine Corps has it in spades. One example: When sailors get tattoos, they do it to express their individuality, and their choices range from Betty Boop and Mickey Mouse to raging sea serpents. When Marines get tattoos, they do it to express their solidarity, and choose bull dogs, ``death before dishonor,'' and ``USMC.''

    10) Best war monument: Iwo Jima

    11) The Marines invade, then go home. The Army has to do the occupying.

    14) Best fast attack vehicles: LAVs.

    15) Best fighting knife: Ka-Bar.

    16) Best duty assignments: Okinawa, Kaneohe Bay, Camp Pendleton, Diego Garcia, Moscow, North Carolina. Plus any ship at sea.

    17) Worst duty assignments: Okinawa, Kaneohe Bay, Camp Pendleton, Diego Garcia, Moscow, North Carolina. Plus any ship at sea.

    12) The silent drill team. Just watching them ply their trade makes you want to wear dress blues.

    13) Status. Sailors live and work on ships. Marines go for cruises -- then hit the shore.

    18) Most exotic duty assignments: Kuala Lumpur, The White House.

    19) Best phone number. Call 1-800-MARINES and you've got the Corps. And if you're a civilian with the character to be a Marine, a recruiter there will be happy to sign you up.

    20) Toughest DI's. (Drill Instructors). They're so tough that when the Navy wants to train its officers, who do they call? 1-800-MARINES.

    21) Toughest boot camp. When San Diego was still training Navy recruits, legend has it that recruits occasionally would jump the fence and accidentally land in Marine boot camp. The Marines would keep them a couple of days, and when the recruits were sent back, they were ready to be sailors!

    22) Best motivational cries: Ooh-rah! - Attack! - Kill!

    23) Best emblem: Eagle, Globe and Anchor. (Air, Land and Sea)

    24) Best campaign covers: The Smokey Bear hat.

    25) Separate heads for enlisted and officers. Everywhere else, officers and enlisted use the same pot.

    26) The only official, congressionally sanctioned hymn for any of the services: ``The Marines' Hymn.''

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