Jokes: Funny Answering Machine Messages

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    (Loud sounds of a massive battle; calm voice:) Hello! Due to the breakdown in the 452nd truce, the inhabitants of village 286-3589 are cowering in their bomb shelters. However, if you leave your name, number, and a message, any survivors will get back to you when the 453rd truce begins.

    Steve: Hello. Steve and Matt aren't here right now, but if...

    Matt: Steve, what are you doing?

    Steve: I'm leaving a phone message since we aren't here.

    Matt: But you left the last one -- it's my turn.

    Steve: No, I'm sure it's my turn.

    Matt: No, you're wrong. It's definitely my turn.

    Steve: You fool, I know it's... Wait... Matt... What are you doing with that frying pan? (BONK... THUD)

    Matt: Steve is out right now, so please leave your name and number.

    1: Hey, would you get the phone?

    2: I got the phone last time. You get the phone!

    1: Well, I'm on the computer right now, so will you get it?

    2: I'm in the bathroom, and besides, you're closer anyway!

    1: Nicole, you always pull this garbage when it's your turn to get it!

    2: Well, just let the answering machine get it then!

    Next page

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