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    Hi, this is Ed. I'm secretly replacing Faisal and Bob with dark sparkling Folger's Crystals. Leave your name, number, and a brief message and they'll call you back when they're nice and percolated. See if you can tell the difference.

    You might be calling to give me important information. If so, leave your information at the tone. Or perhaps you just want to have a casual conversation. If so, leave a message and I'll get back to you so we can have the conversation later. Or perhaps you want to know what I'm doing tonight, in which case it's the same thing I do every night. TRYING TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD!

    So! You've finally called. And I suppose you think I'll just be here. Well you're wrong. I gave up on that yesterday. Seventeen weeks is long enough. Waiting for you; staring at the phone; never going anywhere... Well I've had enough! I decided to get a real life, so I'm out testing lint removers for Ralph Nader. Now it's your turn. Leave a message at the beep and I might just get back to you -- if I survive my new job.

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