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    If at first you don't succeed, give up. No use being a stupid fool.

    If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.

    If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not your sport.

    If at first you don't succeed, transform your dataset.

    If at first you don't succeed, try something else.

    If at first you don't succeed, well...darn.

    If at first you don't succeed, you probably didn't really care anyway.

    If at first you don't succeed, you'll get a lot of free advice from folks who didn't succeed either.

    If at first you don't succeed, you're doing about average.

    If at first you don't succeed, your successor will.

    If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.

    If enough data is collected, anything can be proven by statistical methods.

    If everything is coming your way, you are probably in the wrong lane.

    If everything seems to be going well, you obviously do not know what the hell is going on.

    If everything seems to go right, check your zipper.

    If facts do not conform to the theory, they must be disposed of.

    If flattery gets you nowhere, try bribery.

    If guns are outlawed, how will we shoot the liberals?

    If I your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary form.

    If ignorance is bliss, why aren't there more happy people?

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