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    If you are asked to join a parade, don't march behind the elephants.

    If you are coasting, you're going downhill.

    If you are feeling good, don't worry. You'll get over it.

    If you are given two contradictory orders, obey them both.

    If you are not the lead dog, the scenery never changes.

    If you are running for a short line, it suddenly becomes a long line.

    If you are worried about being crazy, don't be overly concerned. If you were, you would think you were sane.

    If you can smile when things go wrong, you must have someone to blame.

    If you cannot convince them, confuse them. - Harry S. Truman

    If you cannot dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with lies.

    If you cannot fix it, feature it.

    If you cannot get your work done in a 24-hour day, then work nights!

    If you cannot measure output, then you measure input.

    If you cannot hope for order, withdraw with style from the chaos.

    If you consult enough experts, you can confirm any opinion.

    If you did what you always did, you'll get what you always got.

    If you do a job too well, you will get stuck with it.

    If you do something right once, someone will ask you to do it again.

    If you do not care where you are, then you aren't lost.

    If you do not change direction, you are likely to end up where you are headed.

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