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    If you do not know what you're doing, do it neatly.

    If you do not like the answer, you shouldn't have asked the question.

    If you do not make dust, you eat dust.

    If you do not say it, they can't repeat it.

    If you do not understand it, it must be intuitively obvious.

    If you explain so clearly that no one can possibly misunderstand, someone will.

    If you file it, you'll know where it is but never need it. If you don't file it, you'll need it but never know where it is.

    If you have always done it that way, it is probably wrong.

    If you have got them by the testicles, their hearts and minds will follow.

    If you have nothing to do, don't do it here.

    If you have something to do, and you put it off long enough, chances are someone else will do it for you.

    If you have to ask, you are not entitled to know.

    If you just try long enough and hard enough, you can always manage to boot yourself in the posterior.

    If you keep anything long enough, you can throw it away.

    If you keep saying things are going to be bad, you have a chance of being a prophet.

    If you live in a country run by committee, be on the committee.

    If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you; but if you really make them think they'll hate you.

    If you mess with a thing long enough, it will break.

    If you plan to leave your mark in the sands of time, you better wear work shoes.

    If you put it off long enough, it might go away.

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