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    Results of damage testing

    It seems the US Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) has a unique device for testing the strength of windshields on airplanes. The device is a gun that launches a dead chicken at a plane's windshield at approximately the speed the plane flies.

    The theory is that if the windshield doesn't crack from the carcass impact, it'll survive a real collision with a bird during flight. It seems the British were very interested in this and wanted to test a windshield on a brand new, speedy locomotive they're developing.

    They borrowed the FAA's chicken launcher, loaded the chicken and fired. The ballistic chicken shattered the windshield, went through the engineer's chair, broke an instrument panel and embedded itself in the back wall of the engine cab. The British were stunned and asked the FAA to recheck the test to see if everything was done correctly.

    The FAA reviewed the test thoroughly and had one recommendation: "Use a thawed chicken."

    Trouble with plane engines

    While cruising at 36,000 feet, the airplane shuddered, and a passenger looked out the window.

    "Oh no!" he screamed, "One of the engines just blew up!"

    Other passengers left their seats and came running over; suddenly the aircraft was rocked by a second blast as yet another engine exploded on the other side.

    The passengers were in a panic now, and even the stewardesses couldn't maintain order. Just then, standing tall and smiling confidently, the pilot strode from the cockpit and assured everyone that there was nothing to worry about. His words and his demeanor seemed made most of the passengers feel better, and they sat down as the pilot calmly walked to the door of the aircraft. There, he grabbed several packages from under the seats and began handing them to the flight attendants.

    Each crew member attached the package to their backs.

    "Say," spoke up an alert passenger, "Aren't those parachutes?"

    The pilot confirmed that they were.

    The passenger went on, "But I thought you said there was nothing to worry about?"

    "There isn't," replied the pilot as a third engine exploded. "We're going to get help."

    Next page

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