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Home on the Web
(to the tune of "Home on the Range" Lyrics by Peggy Ben-Fay Hu)
VERSE:
Oh give me a site
where the links all work right --
one that doesn't take too long to load --
where the text can be seen
on my 13-inch screen --
one that offers a "no-Java" mode.

REFRAIN:
Home, home on the Web
on my 486 IBM.
Please take pity on me --
I'm still on Netscape 3
with a 14.4-speed modem!

VERSE:
Though your video files
give your pages some style
I can't read them upon my PC;
Massive graphics and sound
crash my system, I've found,
so please put in some "alt" tags for me!

REFRAIN:
Home, home on the Web
on my 486 IBM
Please take pity on me --
I'm still on Netscape 3
with a 14.4-speed modem!

VERSE:
Please don't ask me to "chat"
with your favorite cat;
I don't have an IRC code.
And don't ask me to buy
games for Win 95 --
My PC is way too darn old!

REFRAIN:
Home, home on the Web
on my 486 IBM
Please take pity on me --
I'm still on Netscape 3
with a 14.4-speed modem!

Hi-Tech Conference
Bill Gates, Andy Grove, & Jerry sanders (CEOs of Microsoft, Intel & AMD) were in a high-powered business meeting. During the serious, tense discussions, a beeping noise was suddenly emitted from where Bill was sitting.

Bill said : "Oh! that's my emergency beeper. Gentlemen, excuse me, I really need to take this call.: So Bill lifted his wrist-watch to his ear and began talking into the end of his tie. Having completed the call, he noticed the others were staring at him. So Bill explained : "Oh, this is my new emergency communication system. I have an earpiece built into my watch and a microphone sewn into the end of my tie. That way, I can take a call anywhere." The others nodded, and the meeting continued.

5 min later, the discussion was again interrupted when this time round, from Andy started a beeping sound. "Oh that's my emergency beeper" he said. "Excuse me gentlemen, this must be an important call." Andy tapped his earlobe and began talking into thin air. When he completed the call, he noticed the others staring at him and thus explained, "I also have an emergency communication system. But my earpiece is actually implanted in my earlobe, and the microphone is embedded in this fake tooth, isn't that neat?"

The others nodded and the meeting continue. Later still, the discussion was again interrupted when Jerry emitted a thunderous fart. He looked up at the others staring at him and said, "Uhh, somebody get me a piece of paper..... I'm receiving a FAX."

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