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Bugsy
'Twas the night before Y2K,
And all through the nation,
We'd soon see the bug that,
Caused such a sensation.
The chips were replaced,
In computers with care,
In hopes that ol' Bugsy,
Wouldn't stop there.
While some folks could think,
They were snug in their beds,
Others had visions,
Of dread in their heads.
And Ma with her PC,
And I with my Mac,
Had just logged on the Net,
And kicked back with a snack.
When over the server,
There arose such a clatter,
I called Mister Gates,
To see what was the matter.
But he was away,
So I flew like a flash,
Off to my bank,
To withdraw all my cash.
Then word of the shortage,
Caused such a demand,
That the money was gone,
And the streets were all jammed.
When what with my wandering eyes,
Should I see on my screen,
But Millennium Bugsy,
This must be a dream!
The Hack of all hackers,
Was looking so smug,
I knew that it must be,
The Y2K bug!
His image downloaded,
In no time at all,
He whistled and shouted,
"Let all systems fall!"
"Go Intel! Go Gateway!
Now HP! Big Blue!
Everything Compac,
And Pentium too!"
"All processors big,
All processors small,
Crash away! Crash away!
Crash away all!"
All the controls,
That make the planes fly,
And the microwaves for,
The signals they rely.
All through the system,
To me, and to you,
The predictions they made,
Would soon all come true.
And then came a twinkling,
As midnight drew near,
All over the globe,
In each hemisphere.
As I drew in my breath,
And was turning around,
Out through the modem,
He came with a bound.
He was covered with fur,
With six legs outspread,
Two beady eyes,
And a chip on his head.
With a sack full of virus,
Flung on his back,
He looked like a hacker,
Just waiting to hack.
His eyes - how they twinkled!
His dimples - how merry!
As midnight approached, though
Things soon became scary.
His droll little mouth was,
Drawn up in a sneer,
While he sat like a kid,
Waiting out the new year.
Two little antenna,
Stuck out of his head,
(Improved his reception,
from what I've heard said.)
He had a broad face,
and a round little belly,
But with six dirty socks,
His feet were quite smelly.
He was chubby and plump,
Perpetually grinning,
And I laughed when I saw him,
Though my hard drive stopped spinning.
A wink of his eye,
And a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know,
A new feeling of dread.
He spoke not a word,
But went straight to his work,
He changed all the clocks,
Then turned with a jerk.
With a twitch of his nose,
And a quick little wink,
All things electronic,
Soon went on the blink.
He zoomed from my system,
To the next folks on line,
He caused such a disruption,
Could this be a sign?
Then I heard him exclaim,
With a loud, hearty glee,
"'This has been fun,
I'll see you next century!'"

Can You Help Me?
A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts:
'Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?'
The man below says: 'Yes. You're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field.'
'You must work in Information Technology' says the balloonist.
'I do' replies the man. 'How did you know?'
'Well' says the balloonist, 'Everything you have told me is technically correct, but it's no use to anyone.'
The man below says, 'You must work in business.'
'I do' replies the balloonist, 'but how did you know?'
'Well, ' says the man, 'You don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault.'

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